What was one of the best parts about this year?

Seeing how many nicknames we could come up for the players.

Generally, this trend was much easier done with the male players than for the female players. Why? The guys were so much easier to make fun of. We expected piss-poor tennis from the ladies most of the time (and we got it). Plus, I'm a girl. Why would I make fun of my own species? Anyway, cb_s was one of the co-conspirators of the nickname trend along with me. I just pretty much took it from there. She started calling Andy Murray by "Snag" and it grew to various forms of that name.

The more nicknames one player has, obviously the more he gets talked about. So, it should be considered an honor and a privilege to receive a nickname from me or one of the others I associate with on Livejournal and/or Twitter. It means that a player is doing something... relatively right. They've piqued my interest for whatever reason.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that the Human Deficiency (that's Andy Murray for all those who don't know) is the best player to ever hold a tennis racquet, and I never will. But he has earned every single nickname I have given him with pride and honor. He deserves them. He makes it almost too easy to come up with them. Between and Shanktacular, I don't know who made it easier.

During Roland Garros, we actually tried the whole "headline" thing. That meant we made ridiculous headlines using nicknames for players instead of their actual names when they won or lost a match (Stuttering Swiss Shanks Past Argentine Choker = Federer d. Acasuso). It was pretty interesting. I think my favorite nickname to come out of that experience was one for Rafa: Super Tuff Pink Puff. It was a reference to two different things (yes, my nicknames have MEANING). One was of course, the pink shirt he was wearing. The next was Kirby. Yes, Kirby from the video game. In the commercials, he's called the "Super Tuff Pink Puff." I find it hard to find a tougher person wearing pink on a clay court.

Another GOLDEN nickname goes to Nole. From about mid-March to mid-June, he was Smurf or Smurftacular. I would've let it go after a few weeks, but he had the NERVE to wear shoes that matched that bright "Smurf" blue shirt of his. Jo-Willy also wore the bright blue shirt, but he gave it up after a few tourneys. Not Nole, though. Nole LOVED that shirt because he had SHOES to match. I threatened to call him Papa Smurf if he wore red next. Instead, he just puts on an AWFUL mango shirt, but fashion is another blog in and of itself, so...

I stopped using Roger Federer's name after the EPIC racquet smash in Miami. He's been anything beginning with four letters: S-H-A-N... I suppose he's earned his name back by now, but I've just gotten so accustomed to calling him Shankstar and Shanx and Sir Shank-a-alot that I'm having entirely too much fun. I don't even call him Father Fed or anything. If I make a reference to his new fatherhood, I just say "Daddy Shanx."

Other players besides the top four have had their fair share of nicknamed glory. "Him of the Hair" is Fernando Verdasco. "The Fearhand" is Fernando Gonzalez. "The Big Sexy Russian" is none other than... the big sexy Russian (whom I will miss after Paris). Richard Gasquet earned a new one just the other day from  prisonbread : "MadaGasquet." Of course, there's "Gasgay" too. Ernests Gulbis is a frequenter of new nicknames because of his sloppy play. Most of them have to do with bread for some reason: The Biscuit, Gulbiscuit, etc. I call him Bisquick for the simple fact that most of his points last less than five rallies before he either hits a winner or (predictably) an error and Bisquick is also a type of baking mix for pancakes. John Isner has entered the realm of nicknames as of the US Open: Jizzner. I believe at first it was going to be Jizz, but then we realized what it sounded like and added the "ner." See? MEANING, people.

As for the ladies, I really only call a few of them by different names. I think everyone at some point has called Venus "Vee" or Serena "Rena or Ree." I call Maria Sharapova "Shazza." I don't know why and can't remember where I got it from, but I like it and it fits her glamour-like style. So, Shazza it will be. I like it better than "Masha" anyway. Caroline Wozniacki is "Sunshine." That's actually a nickname she already has. I DID NOT make that up. Plus, doesn't she gleam like sunshine all the time? The girl ALWAYS looks happy. Victoria Azarenka is "Crown Vic." Everyone else may call her "Vika," but I'll call her Crown Vic. Yes, after the car. Dinara Safina is "the Whiner" from me. That's pretty self-explanatory. Ana Ivanovic got hit pretty hard for her awful fashion sense (damn you adidas); "Potato," "Purple People Eater," "Dinosaur..." For a while, JJ went through a period of being "Voldemort." (LOL thank Kait for that one)

But, the king of the nicknames will always be Andy Murray. For a while there, his name was ABSENT from my posts because I never used "Murray." I always used one of the nicknames from my extensive repetoire for him. Any variation of "Snag" goes. There's one that derives from a picture of his head photoshopped onto the body of a velociraptor (thanks for that omnomnomsammich ). I could come up with nicknames for Twat simply by watching a match of his. Example: during his match against Paul Capdeville at the US Open, while the two were massaging the ball around Ashe Stadium, I thought "man, what pushers." Thus, Twat's new nickname became Pushy McPusherton. Him being a pusher is nothing new, mind you. However, that one hadn't been used yet. Now that the UHB (Ugly Human Being) has been picked by adidas (which for the life of me I don't understand why it was GLOBAL news. Who the hell cares?), we can expect a departure from his usual monochrome Fred Perry wardrobe.

More ammunition, please. Give me more.

Anyway, I look FORWARD to next year. I say these nicknames as dryly as possible to get the full effect. If you say them with zeal, they lose all credibility. And, I love my tennis players. It's all love, baby.